1:1 Meetings for Engineering Managers: Purpose and Frequency
One of the people I used to meet regularly for 1:1s was usually talkative and full of energy. Our conversations came easily. Then, at one meeting, he was unusually quiet and subdued.
Because we had been meeting consistently, I noticed the difference. I said he seemed quieter than usual and asked if he wanted to talk about it.
His mother was ill. He needed a few days off to help her, but he was afraid to ask. He had been assigned a critical task and was worried that taking leave would delay it.
We were able to arrange cover. Another team member was happy to take over the task, and he could focus on his family.
What stayed with me was that he had been afraid to ask. At first, I put it down to his sense of responsibility. The longer I thought about it, though, the more I wondered whether he felt he could ask me for time off, or trusted the team to accept his absence and cover the work. That was my interpretation, but it made me look at what I could change.
I started speaking more openly about my own difficulties: when something hadn’t worked out, or when I wouldn’t be able to deliver something because I needed to look after my sick child. I wanted people to hear me say those things myself, so that asking for help would feel less difficult.
What Is a 1:1 Meeting For?
A 1:1, or one-on-one, is a recurring private conversation between a manager and a team member. It gives that person dedicated time to discuss what is happening for them: concerns, obstacles, feedback, development and anything they need help with.
It is the employee’s time with you. Their concerns should come first.
You may have feedback to give or an earlier agreement to revisit. But if you arrive with a full agenda and talk until the time runs out, their concerns will have to wait.
Start by asking what is on their mind. They might be struggling with an unclear expectation, a disagreement with a colleague, or work that has become repetitive. They might want your opinion on an opportunity. Some weeks, everything may be going well.
How Often Should You Have 1:1 Meetings?
My preferred frequency depends on how much we actually talk between meetings:
| Contact between 1:1s | My preferred frequency |
|---|---|
| We rarely talk directly outside scheduled meetings | Once a week |
| We regularly have meaningful conversations between meetings | Once every two weeks |
The distinction is meaningful contact. Being on the same stand-up call every morning tells me something about the work, but it may tell me very little about how someone is doing. Being in the same office also does not guarantee that we talk.
I would use a weekly cadence if the informal conversations were not actually happening. With a new team member, or during a difficult period, I would also discuss whether more frequent meetings would help.
Even when we speak often in the office, I keep the dedicated 1:1. Someone may be happy to ask a technical question at a desk but unwilling to raise a personal concern where colleagues can hear.
For duration, I would start with 30 minutes and adjust together. If important topics regularly get squeezed into the final two minutes, allow more time.
Put the meeting on a recurring schedule. If it has to move, agree on a replacement time. Repeatedly cancelling because delivery is busy makes it harder for someone to rely on that time, especially when the delivery pressure is exactly what they need to discuss.
Put away distractions, listen and follow through on what you agree. These small habits are part of building trust as an engineering leader.
The Anti-Pattern: Using 1:1s to Hand Out Tasks
It is easy for a manager to arrive with a list of things they need done:
“Before I forget, can you take that bug, review the migration proposal and help with Friday’s demo?”
Twenty minutes later, the employee has more work. You ask whether there is anything else, but the next meeting is about to start.
Use planning and the team’s normal work channels to assign work and discuss priorities. A task can still belong in a 1:1 when the person has too much on their plate, needs support, or wants experience in a particular area.
If you have your own topics, make space for them explicitly: “I have some feedback about Tuesday that I’d like to cover too.” If you need help preparing specific feedback, I compare SBI + Feedforward and FUKO using the same engineering example.
Use 1:1s to Support Development Over Time
Two development conversations come to mind when I think about what regular 1:1s make possible.
Finding an opportunity to learn DevOps
A DevOps engineer had left a neighbouring team. Their manager and I were discussing how to cover the responsibilities they had left behind.
Around that time, I was talking about development with one of my team members during a regular 1:1. He told me he had recently become interested in DevOps and wanted to develop in that direction. Could we find time for it?
I had been looking for someone to cover the work without knowing that a person on my own team wanted to learn it.
He went on to take over part of the responsibilities of the DevOps engineer who had left. The neighbouring team got help, and he got an opportunity to work in an area he wanted to explore.
Changing a certification plan when the workload got in the way
In another 1:1, we were following up on an employee’s development plan. He told me he would not complete the certification that year. His work responsibilities left him too little time to prepare.
We had already bought the exam voucher. That could easily have become the focus of the conversation: the money was spent, the goal was in the plan, and the deadline was approaching. But none of that gave him more time to study.
We updated the development plan to focus on preparation. We were also able to transfer the purchased voucher to another person. For him, we agreed to buy a new voucher in the following year when he felt ready.
Keep a short shared record of the development goal, the next step and the support you will provide. Revisit it during your 1:1s, particularly when someone’s workload changes. A goal agreed at the start of the year may need more time or a different opportunity than you originally planned.
Regular Conversations Help You Notice When Something Changes
Over time, you learn how someone tends to communicate. Some people think aloud and arrive with several topics. Others need a little time or prefer to write things down first. You also learn how they react to uncertainty, disagreement and feedback.
Some people enjoy telling you about their weekend, their family or what they do outside work. Others keep the conversation focused on work and share very little about their private lives. Both are fine. Someone can trust you and still prefer to keep those parts of their life separate.
In the conversation about the employee’s mother, being quiet was noticeable because it was different for him. I would not have drawn the same conclusion about someone who was usually reserved.
A quieter meeting could have had many explanations. I did not know the reason until he chose to tell me.
You can notice something without pushing:
“You seem quieter today. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
If they do not want to discuss it, respect that. You can still leave room to talk about support or workload. Empathy as an engineering leader includes letting the person decide how much they want to share.
Before Your Next 1:1
Check what you agreed last time, especially anything you promised to do. Start by asking what is on their mind before moving to your own topics. If you agree on an action, write down who will do it and when you will follow up.
Some weeks, there will be no new action. Keep the next meeting in the calendar anyway.